My Beautiful Gran
The most loving woman in my world
The most amazing woman in my world
The most inspirational woman in my world
My Gran was loved by so many people and her love for us was unconditional. In her 90s, she still showed an interest in everything we did, never ever commented or judged and even came to accept the modern day things such as piercings and tattoos.
My Gran knew everything. You didn't have to tell her things. She just knew.
One hour sat chatting to her would make her day and fill you with a bit more knowledge of someone who had seen endless changes throughout her long life.
She had known great pain during her life, losing her first child at full term, suffering with chronic arthritis for over 50 years, losing her eldest daughter to breast cancer and hoping and praying as her second daughter fought the same illness. Lastly, losing my wonderful Grandpa, her Tom, who she loved with all her heart.
She had also known great happiness, helping others during the war, bringing up three children, loving seven grandchildren (and later their partners too) and she was also lucky enough to meet three of her great grandchildren. She adored Bethany and Freya but the icing on the cake was when her first great grandson was born and he was named Thomas after her Tom. Her life was complete.
Nothing in this world could have prepared me for the pain I would feel when my Gran passed away. She was ready to go. I wasn't ready to lose her. I remember leaving the hospital after hugging my Mum, coming home and sitting down with my little girl. I explained that "Little Great Gran" had gone to heaven and would soon be an angel. At that moment in time all I wanted was for someone to hug me and tell me the same thing. To lose a Grandma as a child is hard but I had loved my Gran for 37 years and I just didn't know how I could cope without her in my life.
This emotion was new to me. The tears wouldn't come, the pain wouldn't stop. I self harmed more and more but even that had stopped working so I turned to new methods and switched from bruising to burning and cutting. The next few years would lead to me becoming more reliant than ever on my addiction. It was out of control and I needed help!
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