Something it took me a long time to learn.
Everyone has bad days. Some people let everyone know it and some keep it to themselves. Neither way is right or wrong. When you self harm, you become very good at being an actor/actress and smiling and saying "I'm ok" becomes second nature. Something I never considered was that the people closest to you often pick up that you are not ok and they want to help. Someone once told me that I made them feel like a useless friend because I always pushed them away. I had never considered how my actions made others feel.
One of the things I stopped doing when I gave up self harm was pretending to be ok. If I am not ok, I will say I'm not. At first this was hard to do but the more open I became, the easier I found it. Dropping the pretence was often a release for me too. I was starting to accept that I didn't have to be superwoman. I didn't have to be perfect. Everyone has flaws and "that is ok!"
For the first time in my life, I was starting to feel like a human instead of a robot, devoid of all feeling. It was partly scary but also felt good!
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